In my 15 years of adulthood I have
come across different types of psychology.
The worst to date was interacting with a narcissist with a heightened
degree of masochism. They used other
people's weaknesses to control them. My
weak spot was seeing the beauty in their dishonesty. Yes, beauty.
In the pursuit of identifying my weak spot, they had to play a game of
self-disclosure. They had to be
vulnerable enough to reveal part of themselves, to unlock the barriers to
entry. To know how I think and possibly
how I feel. It is a dangerous game
because they unwittingly became vulnerable to my childlike curiosity of their
own world. So, when the time came to control
me and to put me in line they had to deny themselves the pleasure of letting
our worlds unite. They had to hurt
themselves to hurt me.
The narcissist developed a soft spot, I too knew his weak spot. The
little dance of power play began. But like
in war, they are no winners or losers, just major casualties on both sides. It is said by Ebenezer Cobham Brewer, that “a cat
has nine lives, yet care would wear them all out.” In essence. Care kills the cat. Few know, this is the actual original phrase of the adage: "Curiosity killed the cat." Hence, it became clear that the deception of
self-disclosure, they also came to care more than they wanted to admit. So they self-sabotaged by severing any lines of
exchange between us, to preserve themselves and the sanity they had struggled to
attain prior to other battles that they had exposed themselves to.
This personal revelation is very
critical in forming strategic partnerships or alliances with your suppliers;
contractors; employees and business associates and business partners. This is
because all these networks require a delicate balance of self-disclosure and
professionalism that allows one to develop trust over a long-term period. One can’t be in the business of doing
business for any length of time without understanding the inherent psychology
of managing these professional relationships.
Who you know always gets you the access to business and opportunities
but it is what you know that will sustain you once you have acquired the
opportunity. They say, don’t mix business
with pleasure. But whoever came up with
that saying never engaged in the process of business development and account
management. Pleasure with business, mix;
it’s the apportioned ratio of how much pleasure should be necessary in ensuring
the continuity of a business relationship.
Here are three ways to ensure that you don’t care too much to kill your
business or yourself:
1.
Self-reflection
and introspection
Thomas Sowell once said, “It takes
considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” Am sure you have been told by a friend or
business colleague at some point in your life that you think too much. Always,
take time to reflect the context in which it was said. If it was said, whilst you needed time to
review over some legal contracts, a sale agreement, a purchase agreement or
even implementing a project chances the person, who mostly likely would have
been the recipient of your final decision didn’t want you to uncover certain
things. People who think they can out
smart you or they are a few steps ahead of you always, particularly in business
or were monetary risk is concerned don’t want you to have a time of introspection
and self-reflection. Anybody who says trust me before they have invested time
in giving you your own time, should not be trusted. One needs time to masticate
on the why’s, and when’s of the recipients of your business decision, are
self-disclosing the way they are in the first place. How will you proceed? Will you self-disclose
in turn? Or will you take your time until you have ALL the information? Or will you take the leap of faith?
2.
Know the end
game
It’s common knowledge not to go into a meeting without
an agenda and projected outcome of the meeting.
When I ran a franchise restaurant not so long ago, we used to be
subjected to ambush meetings by the Franchisor.
It’s a type of psychology that has the propensity to always keep the
attendees out of the loop and in turn makes decisions based on the information
presented only in that meeting, risky business.
Luckily, my team and I always insisted on knowing before what the agenda
of the meeting was and how much time should be allotted to this meeting. You don’t ever want to be taken by surprise –
based on the decisions you made not paying attention the detail including
paying attention to the behaviours of your suppliers, contractors and business
associates.
3.
Keep an open
mind
The world we live in, in 2015 requires us to have a
very fluid approach to the decisions that we make in business. When a business documents its strategy for
the next 5 years it’s not an entirely prescriptive measure. The business has been to be cognisant of all
the different moving parts in the market and non-market economies that will
affect is strategic objectives and tactical plans. More than several decades ago companies like Anglo American plc, BHP Billiton's Ingwe Collieries, Sasol Mining, Glencore Xstrata, and
Exxaro may have the mission statement of being the leading coal producers in the
region; but the environment they lend themselves in, has shown that the
strategy may have to refocus and look at being the leading energy companies in
the region, in spite of accounting to 85% of all production. Thus, even though you are being played by market forces keep an open
mind on how to strategically navigate and adapt your strategy to remain
relevant in the game.
In the end, it’s a faith-game; but a faith-game you continuously bet on
yourself and not the self-disclosure and perceived sincerity purported by your
business players. Whilst, my colleague in beginning of this article started to care, in a way that may have exposed
his initial strategy to control me. They failed to adapt their mindset. In failing to do so, I also believe that they were unable to meet the new needs and demands of our association. In addition, I later learned that they had obtained an incomplete profile of me and when they soon discovered who I was, they were unprepared and reacted in a way that revealed they had over
exposed themselves and cared too much. I was affected to the extent that I had exposed
myself. No winners, no losers; just
casualties and a heightened awareness.
Tambu Ndoro can be contacted on Email: tambu.ndoro@gmail.com
